One night a few weeks ago, I had this overwhelming heaviness stirring in my soul. I stood in my room and I knew - I can either go before the Lord and wrestle this out with Him or I can sit back and let the enemy use this to consume me and bind me up. I laid on top of my bed with my face pressed into the mattress and I began to cry out to my Father in Heaven. And as I did, my heart began to pour out like water before Him. I wept as I released ALL my cares, my concerns, my worries, my desires, my fears, my sorrows, and my confessions of repentance before Him. “Raw Praying” (as Beth Moore once called it). As I spilled out my heart onto Him, I began to feel the quietness of the Holy Spirit overtake my soul. The tears stopped. My voice fell silent. I laid there and felt the presence of God consume me with stillness before Him. “Be Still and know that I am God” resonated over and over in my heart. I rested in it for a while. It was as though I was curled up on my Father’s lap as He stroked my head and held me close. There is such freedom in being with Him in the wide open, just being honest and raw before Him. Completely exposed and known. He already knows what lies in our hearts. He knows the thoughts we have before we even have them. He is fully aware of us – more so than we are even aware of us. He knows the weight of the burdens that we carry and He calls us to “come” and to cast them onto Him. He knows the depth of the needs of our soul and He calls us to “come” and be satisfied in Him. What a gracious invitation our God extends to us!

As I laid there before Him, I felt the heaviness lift and my soul no longer weighed down. But I knew I wasn’t finished. If I were to walk away now after feeling the releasing of my burdens off of me I would miss out on the blessing of RECEIVING His fullness and power and truth being poured back into me. I thought of David who so often begins his psalms with a cry of overwelming desperation, and fear, and urgency before the Lord. “O Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me.” (Ps 3:1). “How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?”(Ps 13:1). As you read through his psalms, you will find David doesn’t stop there. David doesn’t just pour out the depths of his heart and soul before the Lord and then walk away. No, David had a radical resolve to press in FURTHER into the presence of God and to grab hold of Him with his everything. And, I love it, because you can read through David’s psalms and see the exact moment where he just latches onto his God for dear life. “But, YOU, O Lord, ARE a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter up of my head.” (Ps 3:3). “But YOU, O Lord, ARE a God merciful and gracious…” (Ps 86:15). “YOU ARE my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.” (Ps 142:5). And one of my favorites - “THIS I KNOW, that God is for me.” (Ps 56:9). And as David grabbed hold of the presence of God, a transformation took place. Where there was fear, there was now faith. Where there was doubt, there was a confident praise in His God. Where there was darkness, there was now an enlightenment of his eyes. Where there was wilderness, there was now worship!

Determined to press into His presence further, I arose on my feet and began to declare out loud the truth of who my God is. In faith, I grabbed hold of Him. God, You are able! All things are below your feet! Nothing is too hard for You! You are perfect in knowledge! Your plans cannot be thwarted! As I called upon my God, the power came! The Spirit within me began to rise up, He began to warrior inside me and intercede on my behalf. He IS the Spirit of Truth – and as truth was being spoken out He bore witness within me “This is truth! This is truth! My mind, and my will, and my emotions began to line up and submit under the authority of God’s Truth. He pulled me deep into His presence - and He took a girl who only moments before was broken before Him and He restored her to a spacious place where she had room to pace back and forth with her finger pointed up towards the heavens declaring who God is, declaring who she is in Christ, and declaring the victorious power that she has as her portion in Christ over the evil one. THAT is the transforming work of God when we grab hold of Him! He fills us with Himself. =)As I was pacing back in forth in my room, I prayed that God would show me truth after truth after truth that I could put my foot on to walk. While everything else around me may be shakey ground, I wanted a firm place for my feet to step on. As I prayed that, I felt in my Spirit that the Lord was saying to me go outside and get a rock. “Ummmm, ok, yes sir!” Now it was late at night by now so it was pitch black outside. I wasn’t sure where I was even going to find a rock, but I slipped on my shoes and hurried downstairs. I squatted down by some bushes and started feeling around and sure enough I found a little rock. I hurried back upstairs and ran into my room. I pleaded with the Lord to please speak to me what He wanted me to write on the rock (My bible study teacher this past semester had shared in class that God had called her to carry a rock with the word "redeemed" on it for a season). I knew I could have chosen for myself a word of truth or scripture to write on it – but I did not want it to be my words but HIS!! I prayed something similar to “I beg you, Lord, to show me – to speak to me what truth you want me to write on this rock. I am desperate for a word from YOU that I can stand on!” When I spoke the word “stand”, I can’t explain it….but I just knew. I wept in His presence. Kim, you STAND on My promises! You STAND on My truth! You STAND in My power and you STAND your ground against the evil one. After you have done everything else, you STAND. I pulled out a sharpie and wrote “stand” on the rock.

The next morning, I put my “stand rock” in my pocket to carry with me to remind me of the word the Lord had spoken. Any opposition from the enemy that I might face, any lie that contradicted the Word of God, any fear or worry that would attempt to rob me of my freedom in Christ, I would remember to STAND. I was in my car and I had the music on, but to be honest I was completely lost in my thoughts so I wasn’t listening to the song that was playing. All of a sudden I had this quick impulse (It was totally the Spirit!) to check my pocket to make sure I hadn’t left my rock. I pulled it out of my pocket and just as I was about to read it - the word "stand" was spoken out loud on the song that was playing in my car. uuuhhhhh....WHAT?? I turned the volume up. The song was near the end, and the chorus was continuing to repeat over and over again.

I began to tremble as I listened to the words:

"So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours"

Five times it repeated. WOW!!! I couldn’t even sing along, I just breathed it in and received it! It was a holy moment! =) When the song was over, I looked down at the screen to see what the name of the song was – it is called “The Stand" by Hillsong. I screamed out loud when the song was over, “LORD, YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT!” hahaha. I just rested in that moment of wonderment for a bit and marveled at how amazing my God is. There is soooo much more to share of all that He is continuing to show me through the words of that song and through other things as well – but I will just have to post that at a later time. He is still working it in me. Hopefully soon...